A goal completion

So I sheepishly admitted to my husband that I had started a blog. When he saw it, he said it looked nice and that I should write another post....

Yesterday was a big day for me. I decided a month ago that I would take my first "real" audition. This was a big undertaking with a big commitment attached. Since having a baby and living in an apartment, I have barely been able to practice for the past year, not to mention I had irregularly practiced this summer after flitting around Houston, Utah, Kentucky, and Kansas. Nonetheless, I felt prompted to take this audition. It sounds a bit crazy, to work up to taking my first audition in only a month, starting out with a very weak face, while moving across the country, and then trying to unpack a house full of boxes while chasing a one year old around....

The audition was for the 3rd horn position in the omaha symphony. The process is like this: I had to send (but first write) a resume, send a deposit, and then religiously practice and master the list of 12 or so excerpts from orchestral works. So especially since we moved here a couple weeks ago, I'd been able to focus, well for a least an hour or so in the basement each night. (Also, it's very unusual for someone to take an audition who hasn't played in an ensemble/attended any master classes/had a private lesson/played for colleagues for a while...) Anyway, I did play the list for Brian one night. He gave me some great pointers and good ways to prepare myself, mentally and physically. So I got as ready as I could and didn't back out despite my severe feelings of inadequacy.

Why was it so important for me to take this audition? Well, I have been playing the horn for 12 years, with about 5 of those years being very intense, very expensive, educational years. What is the purpose of all of that? Well to one day win an audition to play professionally, as so perfectly exhibited by my husband. The fact that I had done all that education and never even attempted an audition--lame! After this past year, I felt certain I would never take one. After a year "off" (even though I never really took time off, I kept playing, though it was sparse), I felt too far behind, out of the game. Well, the fact that there was an audition for a per-service job (not full time) within driving distance of my home...I just had to do it. A tank of gas and some fast food, the cheapest any audition anyone will ever take...

I didn't win. I didn't even advance to the next round. I did however play really well. I just can't describe how it feels to have gone into the audition thinking I would feel really out of place there, but then realizing that I sounded just as good as the people I heard warming up, that I did indeed deserve to be there, and then going into a room with a panel of musicians hidden behind a screen and nail the excerpts. I was worried I would be so nervous that I would just bomb everything. But I didn't!! It wasn't perfect, but it almost was. I drove the three hours home with a big smile on my face for doing something I thought I'd never get to do, and doing it well!