My Nanny Diary, Part 2

Also, I felt that this mother was not a good mother. This made my job harder and also frustrating. Granted, I don’t know what happens the 20 hours of the day I’m not there and I know we all have different parenting styles, and we all just do the best we can (especially with 2 kids so young), but I felt she wasn’t a good mother. For example, most of the days I was there, there was no food in the house. I mean really. The parents seemed to live off of tuna helper for dinner but I don’t know what she expected her 1 year old to eat. She never seemed to feed her baby food –they purchased 2 jars the whole time I worked there– but yet she didn’t do very well on table food. (I made the family out to seem poor but they aren’t. I saw her husband’s tax return papers and he makes what Brian makes) She was still drinking formula but not on any sort of sensible schedule. Has it been a couple hours? Sure, give her a bottle, maybe just a small one.... I think she expected her daughter to live off of honey nut cheerios. Oh yeah and the mom also encouraged me to give her an iced animal cookie when she was crying. I’ve read in parenting books, and have come to gain a testimony of when there are eating problems, there are sleeping problems. And this was a perfect case study. This one year had no regular eating/drinking times let alone any sort of diet and had absolutely no ability to take a good nap. In fact, the only way her mom could get her to sleep, was if she laid in the parents’ bed with her. And then if the girl coughed and woke up 10 minutes later, that was it, no more nap. She must not need one, the mom thought. One of the best ways I can think of to describe the personality of this 1 year old girl was that she was a dud. I mean can you imagine a sort of hungry, but never really hungry because she’s always snacking and doesn’t even know what it’s like to eat a meal, and always sort of tired to very tired little one year old? I felt so bad for her because she had been left to call all the shots and babies shouldn’t have to do that, they don’t know what’s best. “She doesn’t like her crib” HELLO! No babies like their crib at first...that is a learned, trained behavior as a child gains the self confidence and knowledge to self soothe and fall asleep on their own in their crib. And the future wasn’t looking brighter for the 2 month old. Whenever she cried, the mom promptly popped a 2 oz. bottle in her mouth. No schedule, no increase of ounces to try to get her on a schedule. Always sleeping in her car seat because “she doesn’t like her back”. Also, it was not a rare experience to hear when I got there, “Oh we’re out of formula again so we have to use these samples we brought home from the hospital.” “Well you’re welcome to go pick up some formula while I’m here.” “I would but I’m swamped with homework.” What will happen when they are out of samples to rely on? Heaven forbid they buy 2 cans at once. So this whole part of the job was frustrating because I am a mom, and have my own methods, and opinions, and I felt like I could do nothing but reinforce the same habits that were established.

Anyway, moving on, it was humbling. What is a woman with a bachelors degree and a talented musician who should be teaching music doing getting paid $7/hr to be a nanny? That is what I would often ask myself on the way home. I had a long drive home to think about it. Did I tell you that part yet? This job was way on the other side of town. It took about 35+ minutes each way. It was like working one day for free each week to pay for the tank of gas. They didn’t treat me very well. The parents, nor the grandma. I felt like they didn’t like me and they certainly didn’t appreciate me.... An interesting way to treat someone who is watching your children! Oh the hired help.... I would do “extra” things like sweep and mop the floor, do laundry, dishes, etc. just because I saw they needed to be done. And doing these extra things made me hate the job less because it felt like service, like I was serving them and making their life better, even if they didn’t know it or appreciate it. In the three weeks I was there the mom was really sick, then the one year old, then she got Elliott pretty sick, then Brian got sick, then the little baby was pretty sick and almost had to be hospitalized, then finally my body gave in and got sick, and then the one year old had double ear infections. Wow. So much humble patience is required to take care of the sick so relentlessly. The sick aren’t always easy to be around. Also, this job reminded me of how blest I am. I’m so lucky that I have a wonderful family and that I know who I am and what my roles are and who I can become and what I want for my life and am at peace with it. This family I worked for had different values than I do. I’m not saying different is bad but what I saw was a house with no food and two expensive motorcycles in the garage. What I saw was a young mother with a tattoo covering her entire upper back and shoulders, struggling with a nicotine addiction, and telling me not to give her daughter the whole milk in the fridge because it wasn’t organic. Neither are the cigarettes, honey. (She only smoked in the garage thankfully) What I saw was a mom committed to taking Creative Writing and Freshman Biology online and not having enough time to read parenting books. And now what I see is a 1 year old girl, desperate for her mom’s attention, going to full time daycare so the mom doesn’t have to be her mom when she doesn’t feel like it. Sigh.

After all that, would I do it again? Maybe. It can be pretty easy work but I would say burn out comes quickly. I wouldn’t do it if their mom was going to be there 90% of the time, that’s just awkward. I wouldn’t do it if the environment wasn’t good. Hopefully we’ll just find some private students and/or Brian will win a better paying job sometime in the near future....

Well I could go on and on in my Nanny Diary like how this job affected my son and my family but I think you’ve heard enough, if you’re even still reading. I suppose it was harsh, but it’s my blog, and that is what I thought about being a nanny for 3 weeks.